A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part II --
The ODDITY: An Epic Adventure!
THE DIRE STRAITS OF BIFFY AND BUFFY
After Hurries had visited Calliope Jane, he dropped in on Poseidon with a stern warning.
Basically, the Fates were no longer interested in his pride, his anger or his revenge. He had to let Clydesseus return home. They hadn't been fooled by his "mysterious current" that took Clydesseus to the Island of Calliope Jane, and they were getting very impatient with him. They arranged with Yodeloleus to bring a strong wind behind Roe Boat's sail to hurry the kitties home. Poseidon was not to interfere with it.
The message they sent to Poseidon with Hurries was a simple one. If he did not cease his interference, the Fates would arrange it so no one bought any more fish, wouldn't sail the seas (the Fates owned an airline and were ready to launch it) , and everyone would ignore him completely.
Threatened with this fishing boycott, Poseidon reluctantly gave in. "But not before I have a little fun first." He muttered to himself as Hurries hurried off.
The sea hides many secrets, and has many mysteries. Biffy and Buffy were among those. Poseidon knew all about them.
A long time ago, when the Gods were warring over who got to control the Universe, there was a band of very large folk called the Titans. Though they were defeated by the Olympian Gods, they left their young progeny scattered throughout the world. But, without the guidance and love of their parents, these young Godlings never grew up. They remained infantile in manner and appearance.
So it was with Biffy and Buffy, two very large almost identical twins who got stuck at the beach. They straddled the Straits they had carved into the sea in an endless game of "Smack the Fish", in which they smashed and destroyed anything that passed beneath them including some of Poseidon's more bizarre creations! Since their parents were long gone, there was no one to tell them to "Stop That!"
The wild wind that took Roe boat and the Meowing Kitties home drove the tiny boat very close to Biffy and Buffy's path. A convenient sea current generated by Poseidon pulled them right into it!
The crew knew they were in trouble when they felt the turbulent waters that Biffy and Buffy were endlessly splashing on each other, and the sound of their giggles filled the air. It was said that this sound was irresistible to humans, but since this crew were cats, and they didn't like children, it horrified them.
"Roe, boat, row!" Commanded Clydesseus in a commanding tone. "Don't listen to the kids. Row right through them as fast as you can."
But the band was too terrified to move, and Clydesseus had to come up with a plan. Their beach ball (from many chapters ago) was almost empty, but, since political ideas die hard, enough wind remained for a sudden burp where the skin of the ball had been ripped. Clydesseus rushed to the ball and "burped it". Instantly, the ball shot out of Roe Boat like a deflating balloon, distracting Biffy and Buffy away from the straits.
"Now, row like you've never rowed before!" Thundered Clydesseus.
The band all pulled together, and the tiny pea-green boat inched forward, into the strait. The rushing water propelled them giddily along, through the pass created by the mountain of sand the giants had accumulated, and Clydesseus thought they'd made it, when Buffy figured out that a beach ball, even when it's deflating, has to come from somewhere.
"Hey!" She squealed, as she saw the tiny boat getting away, and threw a giant seashell at the vessel.
It hit the water with a CRASH, and flooded the boat. Frantically, and very uncomfortably (for they had gotten wet), the cats tried to save the little craft. But an inconvenient whirlpool, some extremely rapid rapids, and a tsunami wave provided a forbidding barrier to their success. In a few moments, Roe Boat was sunk, and the cats found themselves swimming in the swirling sea-foam for their very lives. One by one, each of the Meowing Kitties struggled and sank beneath the waves, lost at sea, until only Clydesseus remained, struggling to keep afloat.
"Why, why, oh nasty and cantankerous Sea God, do you torment me so!?" Screamed Clydesseus to the angry sea. "If it means that much to you, all right, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I whined at you so long ago, I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate all that you gave me, that I took it for granted. I'm sorry that I caused all this trouble for my friends and family because of my arrogance! There, I said it! Now, please, save my band, save them!" He swam round and round but his companions did not reappear.
"Oh great Poseidon, think what you are doing! This band had never done you disrespect or harm. It has all been mine, the fault is mine! Do you hear me oh great Sea God? If you must have revenge, take it out on me, but spare my band. Take me to whatever punishment you wish, for my arrogance caused this calamity on us all. But they have done nothing wrong--okay, they don't always play mewsic all that well and get some of the notes wrong, but is that any reason to drown them?. Is there no justice anywhere in your heart? What justice can bring harm to the innocent! I am to blame, I accept the responsibility and the blame, only I and no one else. And, I'm sorry!"
The sea grew suddenly calm, and Clydesseus found that his swimming was much easier. But his companions were gone. He looked round and round for them but all he saw was a little sea horse that appeared in the crest of a wave.
"So, what have we learned?" Asked the denizen of the deep.
"Huh?" Replied the incredulous Clydesseus.
"It's a simple question. What have we learned?" The horse repeated.
"Well, let's see. It's not wise to be ungrateful, and sometimes, it's rude to ask for too much..."
"Good, good, continue," the sea horse encouraged.
"And, ummm, it helps to be courteous and respectful, even of someone you don't like..."
"Yes, that's it, you're almost there." The horse advised.
"Hmmm, and, oh yes, the sum of the squares of a right triangle are equal to the difference of the hypotenuse..or something like that."
"Okay, math's not your strong suit" sighed the sea horse, "two out of three ain't bad."
The horse grew and grew in the waves, morphing as only a God or a computer simulation can, and became the great God of the Sea, Poseidon, in all his magnificence and glory. He looked really spiffy, though a bit green.
"Clydesseus, I have never meant to harm you, only drive you crazy until you saw the folly of your ways. Each step of your journey was to teach you this lesson. Your experiences with my sibling Gods all added to this lesson, and your progress was good. This last torment was your final lesson. Since you asked not for yourself, but for those whom you dragged into your troubles, you have learned the value of of compassion. I am satisfied." The God bellowed in a gigantically deep, but rather musical voice. "You got two out of three, which is passing in my book. I forgive you, so you can now go home. Once you get there, though, take a remedial geometry course."
"Great God," Clydesseus, "I do see the folly of my ways, my arrogance, my effrontery, my mathematical ignorance. I do apologize to you, and recognize that you are indeed great and good, and that it was you, and not my cleverness that made my homeland prosper. Will you save my kitties, my loyal band who have done nothing wrong, except for a few sour synthesizer notes?"
"Fear not for them, though they cannot continue this journey with you. You will be reunited in time." The Sea God promised. "Now away with you, you heroic scamp, and go save your kingdom." Poseidon splashed the water to send Clydesseus along.
You see, Poseidon wasn't so bad after all, he just wanted the respect he felt he deserved. His heart was truly filled with love, though it wasn't entirely unconditional.
The great wave the God created carried Clydesseus far away, towards the island he called home. As he left, Clydesseus called to the Poseidon, "But you have to admit that the line about 'Milk, Got Some?' was a good one."
Poseidon, remembering the bump the "Big Royal Fridge" had given him when it fell overboard, bellowed and rushed Clydesseus on shore, not in Hissica, but on the neighboring island of Bfcconia, where his good friend and long time pal, Grand Master Henry, presided.
"Maybe I should have quit while I was ahead." Thought the still foolish traveler as he lay exhausted on the beach.
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