A Time Travel Clyde Mini-Epic!
THE IDIOCY AND THE ODDITY
(with apologies to Homer, the ancient Greek Gods and Heroes,
and lovers of great literature everywhere!)
--Part I --
The IDIOCY: A Really Epic Tail
THE TOGAN WAR
The Creeps were furious at the trick played on them by the Togans, although they did have a nice time chasing the puff-balls. As soon as they discovered that they contained absolutely no catnip (remember, that's what started this war in the first place?), they lost interest in the toys.
Since cats have a reputation for patience, very short term memories, an unbelievable capacity for expectation, and they like to live up to their reputations, this useless exercise went on for months.
Every time the Togans saw that the Creeps had lost interest in their latest volley of puff-balls, they would wait a few minutes, (while the Creeps lay down for a rest and a wash) and then toss another volley at them. Naturally, the Creeps expected that THIS volley would contain the much desired catnip, so they chased them all over the beach until they were absolutely sure that there was none to be had.
It seemed as if the Togans had come up with the ultimate defense for their city. Of course, it did take up a lot of their time tossing the puff-balls and watching from the city walls, but it was also very entertaining.
If you have ever played with more than one cat at the same time, you'll understand that.
You see, some cats have little or no sense of discipline, and the Creeps were in that category. So, not only did they chase the useless puff-balls individually, but each Creep, convinced that the some other Creep had found the puff-ball with the catnip, would chase the closest ball to him first, then scamper after a comrade to take away his puff-ball, knocking him over in the process, only to discover that the object of desire was infuriatingly lacking in catnip.
And, as you might expect, the comrade who was so rudely pushed out of the way took great exception to the effrontery, and so got into a fight with the other. In no time, the clever Togans had gotten the Creeps into a pitched battle among themselves! The Togan War had become the Creepy War.
The Creeps were further aggravated by the gales of laughter coming from the city walls. Cats like to have a sense of dignity! Whenever they heard the laughing, they immediately stopped what they were doing and licked their paws, trying desperately to "cop an attitude". This only served to increase the laughter.
Clydesseus arrived a month or two later. In his extreme cleverness, and not wanting to offend either of his allies, the Creeps or the Togans, Clydesseus ordered the boat to sail along the slowest current from Hissica to Toy. His hope was that by the time they arrived, the war would be over and they could go home. In actual fact, the journey from Hissica to Toy (or from Toy to Hissica) normally only took a couple of days, but Clydesseus simply reversed the compass every morning, making Roe Boat sail a very circuitous route to the Island of Toy. His loyal band wondered at this, but they were too loyal to question him.
By the time the Hissicans arrived at the beach of Toy, it looked very strange indeed. Thousands of puff-balls littered the beach, more were bobbing in the surf, and among all the brightly colored litter, the Creeps were pouncing and stalking each other. By now, they had completely forgotten about the Togans. And the Togans were resuming their normal activities and not paying much attention either!
Clydesseus was absolutely shocked when he arrived, and went immediately into action. He called a meeting of the Creepy Generals and demanded an accounting of what they had done.
They, of course, were so furious at each other, that for the next day or two, Clydesseus had to straighten out all the infighting and remind them of WHY they were there in the first place.
Finally, after the Creeps managed to make a truce among themselves, Clydesseus was able to assess the situation and the battlefield, what little there was left of it, for the beach was covered in puff-balls and now, a great deal of cat hair.
He first ordered that all the puff-balls and cat hair be pushed to the other side of the island, thus clearing the beach by the Togan city cat doors. Then he examined all the cat doors very carefully. They were very simple devices, not the wonderful electronic kind that work with a magnetic key, so, of course, it was impossible to use a Hi Tech solution to break in.
He could see, however, through the doors, that the Togans had completely forgotten about the Creeps, and might therefore be taken by surprise.
He rushed back to camp and ordered that everyone move out of sight from the cat doors, and under some convenient palm trees so the Togans would not be able to tell how many of them were there.
At the same time, he sent his very good friend, PURRCULES, back to Hissica in Roe Boat to collect some catnip from the royal treasury and a few other items he needed for the next part of his plan. He knew Purrcules could make the trip in just a day because he was the strongest of all the kitties and conveniently knew a short cut.
In no time, the beach was as clean as clean could be, nary a puff-ball or Creep in sight.
It wasn't until the next day that the captain of the Togan guard noticed this, and he immediately sounded the alarm. Everyone rushed to the city walls to get a better view, and they expressed amazement that the Creeps apparently had gone home. They wondered if Poseidon had actually refunded their money, doubtful as that seemed.
Queen Helpmeout was delighted and ordered a celebration. The Togans abandoned their watch on the walls and went to the palace courtyard for dancing and singing and general merry-making. As everyone knows, cats are always ready for some fun.
In the meantime, Purrcules had returned in Roe Boat with the required consignment of goodies, and Clydesseus, his loyal band, and the Creeps went to work.
While the Togans celebrated inside their city, mewing and prancing and making a general ruckus, Clydesseus and his followers arranged the materials Purrcules had brought. No one knew of the remarkable plan Clydesseus was hatching in his mind!
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